All About The Kids?

If you were to enter a Christo-religious space and ask what the most important part of the church population is, many, if not all people, would respond that it is the children. "The children are our future."

"The teens, the youth, the young people."

"They are the ones who will carry on the church. They are the ones who will take the baton from us."

That sounds rather noble, doesn't it.

But the yawning chasm between this sentiment and the reality of adult actions is damning.

"Supporting the children and teens in our churches" is not letting them sing special items once in a while, or hosting the odd teen's event. It is not allowing a children's story before the sermon, or handing out colouring pages, or having family worships at home.

It is devoting yourself to treating children like equally valid and valuable to adults. And that regards their voice, their opinions, and their votes.

It is believing a child when they say they are were inappropriately touched by the pastor, and then aggressively protecting them. It is putting aside people-pleasing for the sake of upholding children's boundaries. It is not making your child shake hands with or hug church members every week, and ignoring their bodily autonomy. It is teaching and encouraging them to be resisters, rebels, and disobedient to corrupt authority. Even if that authority is the church. Even if that authority is you.

It is taking them out of toxic environments, even if that environment is called a "church". It is stopping excusing systemic spiritual abuse as "a few bad apples" instead of the systemic problem it is. It is endlessly pursuing justice - in all its avenues. It is allowing dissent. It is teaching them to stand up for oppressed and marginalised. It is letting them disagree with you. It is protecting their privacy and free will. It is putting away theology which is misogynistic, racist, and capitalistic, instead of holding on to it like it's the Gospel. It is leading with consent and dignity, not fear. It is making sure you are the same "good imaged" Christian adult in private as in public. No, in fact, be even better behind closed doors. It is unlearning your own false narratives: male-centric, white supremacy, abuse masquerading as culture.

If you want to honour and uplift the children and young people, you need to unlearn all that a child-hating society has taught you. And white society is, at its core, and has been historically, a child-hating society.

"Supporting the children and youth" in your churches entails a dramatic rewiring of our theology and practice. Even our view of ourselves. It is practicing on a completely different set of behaviours. It is a radical remaking of how adults relate to children.

But most of you aren't ready for that. You just keep spouting the same line and hope too many of the young ones won't pour out of your church doors. (And if they do, you blame it on everything else but your own failures and refusal to change.)