White Feminism makes the "gift" of its empathy dependent on whether or not White people are able to understand the experiences of the oppressed. And this is a problem we need to aggressively address - individually and as a collective.
You'll notice this conditional empathy in the language used...
A White woman might listen to the stories of marginalised minorities and say: "Oh, I see now...", or "Oh, that makes sense..." - as though her empathy is only available when she finally "gets it". As though the affected must make their case or "show their scars" before she'll finally get on board and be an ally. As though, only when her eyes well up and her heart is moved, are the tears of generations finally legitimate.
This entire construct creates a reality where it's demanded of oppressed peoples to move to where White people are standing - to appeal to their language, their paradigm, their understanding. To constantly find new and creative ways of framing their pain that might finally make things click for White people - before they are allowed to be considered people, for their stories to be believed, to be taken at their word.
I don't think White people understand the utter exhaustion they demand of other people when they press them to explain and make their case in this way. It is adding immense effort on top of already battered and bruised souls. And Angela Davis writes extensively about how the Black community must stop waisting time doing this, as the very appealing to White confirmation of their experience is itself feeding into a power dynamic which is wrong.
This demand also creates a mindset where people assume that the reality of the oppressed is not real until it is acknowledged, seen, and understood by White people. As though "Once White people get it, it's finally legitimate."
Again, we see this play out in micro and macro ways: in work places, in politics, in the field of psychology. It's only a genocide once the UN says it is. It's only workplace bullying until a White worker corroborates the Black employee's story. This story is only true if Western News channels report it. This history is only accurate if it's recorded in White history books. This collective experience is only real if a white scientist writes an article about it.
You see how this works?
This is a truly twisted system. It makes the marginalised constantly have to appeal, with outstretched hand, for their reality to be at all believed. The oppressed should never have to have their suffering legitimised by their oppressors. Nor should the marginalised be at the mercy of whether White people finally "get it".
White people, listen, learn, educate yourselves, but remember that you are not the Deciders of whether or not non-White people's narratives are true and real. It's not your right or place, after reading the works of bell hooks, Audre Lorde, and Angela Davis to have a debate about whether or not their claims are true. Their labels, their language, their definitions is not up for debate. It's not your place to be judges, jury, or commentators. Stop centering yourself, your feelings, your experiences, your logic, your opinions.
It's NOT their job to explain to you or appeal you. It's YOUR job to inform yourself, actively and constantly, with an open mind, and a humble heart.
No... humbler.
You need to move to where they stand, not the other way around. You need to learn new language, new terms, new storytelling methods. Yes, you have time for it. Yes you can do it. You need to silence your ego and your White Guilt, and instead make room for true empathy, that neither demands nor wants the performative pleading of those whom your systems degrade, murder, and steal from.
Empathy is always a choice. It's not a warm, fuzzy feeling deep inside you. Empathy is not "Oh, your experience is similar to my experience and therefore I can now feel with you!"
You don't have to wait around for your emotions to stir for you to choose empathy. It's a decision you make, and must be followed up with active compassion. Not cheap pity, not a self-righteous hero complex, but compassion, and justice.
And it's your responsibility to live as an empathetic, compassionate human, whether you "get it" or not.
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