Pearls & Pigs & Palestine

We've now spent nearly two years trying to make others understand why the Palestinian genocide is about abuse, oppression, injustice, evil, and has no "two sides".

We've done this by comparing it to abusive relationships, to murder, to the Holocaust, to the South African apartheid, to the genocide of Native peoples in "North America", to narcissistic abuse, to the Jim Crow laws (the American apartheid), to slavery. We've emptied the cartridge of every metaphor-weapon we could think of. We've come at it from this angle and from that, infantilising the people who can't seem to connect point "A" with point "B". We've done all this while processing grief, in tears, in turmoil, in rage. We've done it with great love, great devotion, great intelligence and thoughtfulness. Only to realise that the people who don't care or see the truth of Palestine, also don't genuinely understand care about those other injustices either. Not really. The problem doesn't lie in linking Palestine to an injustice they believe. The problem genuinely lies in their apathy towards injustice. And it's time we started getting honest about that.

Palestine isn't one item on the menu of social justice issues that simply "doesn't qualify" like the rest do, or doesn't quite measure up to the other items in seriousness or legitimacy. Palestine isn't an issue in which people who generally deeply care, and are actual allies to victims of other types of injustice, simply can't get on board with this particular issue. To claim this would be to utter the unspoken conclusion that Palestine isn't as clean-cut, as clear, has more grey zones, or is, as so many have falsely claimed: "complicated".

No. The truth is actually that what you're seeing around you is a revelation of people's genuine characters. Where they really stand; not where they say they stand. Their response to Palestine is a revelation of where their heart truly lies on all those other matters too. And that is chilling. And clarifying.

People like to think that they're in the right and that they'd "do the right thing"; that they'd be on the right side of history. But Palestine is like a flashlight that lights up the people in our lives who really, deeply care about justice in active ways. It also clearly shows us those who don't. Those who were never really allies. Those who were merely performative allies. Those who don't even grasp what allyship to the oppressed is.

Palestine shines a spotlight on those who really do stand with the oppressed, who truly understand the dynamics of abuse, oppression, racism and systemically inflicted suffering, whether by an individual, an institution, a system, a government.

Have you noticed how the people who are genuine allies in the resistance against systemic racism, capitalism, white supremacy, western colonialism, ecocide, ableism, and misogyny, also care about Palestine? That is no coincidence.

For those who us who do support the Free Palestine movement, we are caught in this strange twilight between realising the true hearts of those around us, and continuing to beg those harmers to stop hitting us.

So many have continued to argue and explain and explain and explain the utter evil of the white colonial project called "Israel": why it cannot exist, why the Palestinians are 100% victims, why it's all wrong. People are explaining themselves into an early grave over this. And this over-explaining - obsessive explaining even - is something which people who experience abuse (interpersonal abuse, racial abuse, etc.) know all too well. That good old "explaining yourself in good faith while people listen in bad faith". That familiar spending your energy, your time, your words, explaining yourself into a stupor of self-doubt, the feeling of talking to a wall, spending yourself into exhaustion because you assume that people's ignorance, silence, coldness is done out of a lack of understanding. "Surely it's an ignorance issue!" we gasp.

But I'm going to hold your hand (metaphorically) while I tell you this: You are projecting your character and your integrity and your compassion unto these people.

This inner push that compells you to explain is not lost on me. As an educator, who has always been a teacher at heart, I fall into this trap all the time. Also, as a survivor of abuse, I realise the inner workings of this dynamic. I ache to educate. I want to enlighten. I want to help. I am convinced that if they only understood, they would make better choices.

I get it. You want to help them, enlighten them, liberate them. You think that if you can just find the right switch, the right button, the right words, you will flick on their empathy. Their racial bias will fade away, and they'll suddenly wake up and realise that they're wrong. That they've been horribly wrong all this time and tomorrow they're going to start posting about Palestine and marching and boycotting. The problem is, you're functioning in good faith. And many of them aren't.

Education and information is not in any way pointless in itself. If it were not for the tireless efforts of others, I would not have realised the truth about Palestine, and a host of other things. But the difference is, I was an interested party. I listened, I researched, I read, I learned, I unlearned.

I realise all of this is hard. Some might ask: Who gives you or I the right to decide when a person is a lost cause? Who gets to decide when to stop trying with someone? A simple answer is: "You don't have to." You don't have to decide that someone is a lost cause. But you do get to decide to let go of the compulsion to save them. This takes self-control and humility. It is walking away, choosing to stop engaging past a certain point, and having the humility to accept that it's "not all on you."

That person you're trying to enlighten might never open their eyes. Or someone else might be the cause of their waking up. It might happen tomorrow. It might happen in twenty years. It might never happen. You don't get to control that. That's not your job. Your job is to share, speak up, and then have healthy boundaries. Those healthy boundaries can look like not discussing the matter further. Not responding to comments. Blocking a person. Trust me, they know where you stand. And there is so much information out there, accessibility at the click of a button. If they want to go learn, they will. It's not all of you. Speak the truth, and then move on.

For example, I have a rule. I don't ever respond to or engage with Zionists in my comments. Not to correct, not to argue, not to explain. Never. That is not "giving up on people". That is respecting their decisions enough to not force them to relinquish their evil, while also focusing my precious energy and time on worthwhile endeavours.

I challenge you to seek wisdom and discernment: to apply healthy boundaries in all your activism. The oppressor benefits from your exhaustion. Burn-out is not the goal, longevity in the cause is.

Any good therapist of abuse victims will tell them at some point that they need to stop assuming that if they only explain things enough, or in just the right way, then it'll finally click, and the people who are denying their abuse, inflicting or enabling their abuse, will finally, finally come to their senses. They will apologise, they will change, they will admit to their wrongs.

This is the pipe dream of almost every abuse victim. And it also doesn't happen.

As far as you can muster, you must stop begging for people to love you, to do the right thing, to treat you as a person, to treat others as human beings. Remember, free will is God's gift to each person. And just like you're making choices, they are making choices too. And it's not up to you to save people from the consequences of their choices.

Some of us have to start admitting to ourselves - to find some way to accept - that certain people will never see.

That person whom you've been going round and round and round with about Palestine, who simply won't listen or see (yeah, that person!), you need to accept that you might not be the one who gets through to them. It's possible that no-one will ever get through to them.

Spend more time on your allies. Spend more emotional labour on those who need us. Create and populate community. Direct your efforts in wise and discerning ways. This will not only develop you as a person, it will help you grow in healthy boundary-setting and love, it will massively improve your mental health, lessen your mental load, and it will also make you a more effective ally in this fight. Don't throw your strength into black holes that devour everything you give them, but into which all light and life disappears.

This is not to say that we stop advocating. We will never be silent about our Palestinian brothers and sisters. We fight, we shout, we educate for them. But it is to say that you and I have to make decisions about where, and on whom, we are going to expend our energy. An already depleted, stretched energy, drained by the trauma of witnessing a genocide. The painful truth is: not everyone is worth an equal part of your time, and effort. Not everyone is worthy of any of your time and effort. At some point, you have to call it.

I know this seems cruel. Even un-Christian, but it really isn't. I already hear the protests rising like a wave... because they rise in me too. "But... but we can't give up on people! At some point we were ignorant about Palestine too! We have to keep trying! That isn't the Christian thing to do! What about grace!?"

Firstly, I would ask you: "Yes, but when you started glimpsing the Palestinian fight for freedom, what did YOU do? Didn't you start digging deeper? Didn't you take hours out of your daily life to learn, listen, research, seek the truth? And is that how they are responding?"

Secondly... you think it isn't the "Christian thing do?" Well, let's turn our eyes to Jesus ...

Because Jesus talked about this dynamic to his disciples. He talked about pigs and pearls.

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

(Matthew 7:6)

Even God himself taught that sometimes we have to make the decision to stop throwing valuable, precious things at creatures who don't even know that a pearl has any value. Who respond to treasure with violence, aggression, and disregard. After all, what is a pearl necklace to a pig?

Let's be abundantly clear: This is not about deciding whether or not there is hope for another person. As long as there is life, there is hope. It is however about deciding how you are going to be a steward of your limited time and energy. Because that is a real responsibility we've been given by our Creator too. Jesus didn't endlessly argue with the religious leaders. He didn't turn all of his energy to making the Sanhedrin "see". He spent a majority of his ministry healing the sick, feeding the hungry, comforting the broken.

Turn your precious time, words, intelligence, voice, and energy towards wise investments. Walk in the light. Those who are seeking the light and truth and justice will seek you out. I guarantee you. Seekers will come looking for it. They always do.

Don't burn yourself out by screaming at people who would have also been silent and enabling of the Holocaust, of slavery, of apartheid. Run towards those who love the light. Run after the Spirit and wherever he leads you.

You don't even have to "give up" on people. That's not what this is about. You just have to release yourself from the unrightful responsibility of saving them. Walk away. Keep doing what you're doing, shake the dust of their village from your feet, and move on.

On to the next village.